honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
