I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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