I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
