Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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