It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
