Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
