and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
