you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
