i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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