I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
