I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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