just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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