I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
