Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
