goodnight i made you a song goodbye
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
