I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
