Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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