I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
