im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
