YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
