I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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