Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
