butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
