One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
