margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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