I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
