hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
