Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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