Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
