Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
