he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
