speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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