well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
