How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
