We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize