dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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