Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
