Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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