do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
