How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i came on her dog
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Come on in and take your pants off
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