I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
