It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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