Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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