The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
