Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bring me that man meat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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