I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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