He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
