i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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