i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
