I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
NoShamevember. You game?
All the doctor said was why
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
