They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
