I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
