Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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