Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
someone owes me an orgasm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
