Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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