Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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