So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
