Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
