Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
