Having a random hookup so left but love u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
