I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm passing your future prison.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
