i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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