I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
