Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dick very happy bro
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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