I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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