Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
