so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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