you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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