U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize