what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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