I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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