walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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