Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
