dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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