Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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